“Be more assertive.” 

You’ve heard it in performance reviews, coaching sessions, or even whispered by well-meaning peers. But in 2025, this catch-all feedback is still anything but helpful, especially for senior and C-suite women leaders.

Does “more assertive” mean speaking over others? Raising your voice? Adopting a stereotypical “take-charge” tone?

In reality, many brilliant women are already communicating with clarity and conviction. The real issue lies in outdated expectations about what leadership “should” look like.

In this post, we’ll unpack why “be more assertive” misses the mark, share research that underscores the problem, and offer concrete strategies to redefine and embody authentic assertiveness.

Why “Be More Assertive” Misses the Mark

When feedback boils down to “be more assertive”, it rarely comes with examples or guidance. Instead, it masks deeper biases about who “real leaders” should look and sound like. 

Consider Textio’s 2022 analysis of 23,000 performance reviews: a staggering 88% of high-performing women were told to tweak their personality, receiving comments like “be less aggressive”, while only 12% of men faced similar notes.

That’s more than a wake-up call; it’s proof that “assertiveness” often just means “align with a male communication style.” No wonder so many women leave meetings thinking, “Did I really need to raise my voice to be heard?”

The True Cost of Vague Feedback

LeanIn.Org's 2023 Women in Leadership report adds another layer: nearly half of senior women leaders are labeled “intimidating” or “bossy” when they express strong opinions. These are discouraging labels men rarely incur. I remember one client sharing how a simple suggestion on a product roadmap got her branded “too forceful.”

Such vague critiques don’t just sting. They actually stall growth and development. Without specific examples, you’re left guessing how to “improve”, while your confidence quietly erodes.

“Assertiveness is what happens when you stop asking for permission to speak.”

Pillars of Authentic Assertiveness

So if “be more assertive” isn’t helpful… what is?

Here are three pillars of authentic assertiveness that I’ve seen truly work for myself and the women leaders I coach:


1. Clarity Over Volume

True influence hinges on precision, not projection. Start your next meeting with a one-sentence “essence statement”: “Here’s the one thing I want us to take away today…” That simple lead-in focuses attention on your message (without the theatrics!).

2. Turning Feedback into Fuel

When someone tells you to “be more assertive”, lean in and ask for a specific moment: “Can you share an example of when I didn’t come across as confident?”

Collect these behavioral examples in a “Do More / Do Less” grid. One client of mine discovered that colleagues wanted more eye contact during video calls, so she made it a practice to look directly into the camera. Suddenly, her presence felt stronger, and those “too quiet” comments vanished.

3. Creating Presence-First Cultures

Assertiveness isn’t just personal. More often, it’s cultural.

Co-create meeting norms where everyone agrees on respectful listening, no interruptions, and equitable speaking time. Whether it’s a virtual “hands-up” icon or a tangible talking token in the room, clear guidelines signal that the value lies in ideas, not decibels. Model the change you want to see in the world.

Building Your Assertiveness Toolbox

Here are some additional tools that can help reshape perceptions and solidify your executive presence:

• Pause & Breathe. Before responding, take a three-second pause. It projects calm authority and prevents reactive tone shifts.

• Power Questions. Frame directives as invitations, such as “What do you think if we…?” or “How might we approach this?” This asserts direction while inviting collaboration.

• Wins Recap. After key discussions, send a concise follow-up email that highlights decisions and next steps. It reinforces clarity and showcases your leadership in action.

Using these consistently may shift how colleagues perceive and respond to your leadership voice.

Taking Action & Next Steps

“Be more assertive” is a dead-end without specifics and direction. By reimagining assertiveness in a way that feels authentic to you, you reclaim your voice and inspire those around you.

Which pillar or tool listed above will you explore first? Share your choice below.

If you’re ready to go deeper, book a discovery call and let’s co-design a strategy that elevates your authentic leadership.

About the Author

Frances Powell is an executive coach and world-class facilitator specializing in executive presence and authentic leadership for senior and C-suite women. Leveraging her 25 years of experience as a corporate spokesperson and presenter, she helps leaders become influential communicators and confident leaders who fully embody their unique potential, power, and purpose, empowering them to inspire and elevate their teams.